Leaving, Weaving, and Cleaving Participants Guide


Join the Conversation:

Record thoughts and questions here that come up as you watch the episode.  Explore them later with the group.
Listen to God’s Word: Genesis 2:18-25




Discuss the Episode

1.Tremper defines the “leaving” in Genesis 2:24 as “establishing a new primary loyalty.” Spouses are to establish their primary loyalty with each other as they “leave” their family and friends.  What struggles have you observed in your life or the lives of others with “leaving”.  What actions do you think couples and families can take to facilitate the “leaving” process?

2.“Weaving” describes the process of growing together as a couple.  Dan and Tremper identify one of the key obstacles to “weaving” as contempt and shame.  How have you seen these issues impact marriages and/or families?  How does our relationship with God help us address contempt and shame?

3.“Cleaving” is the process of couples coming together sexually.  How do you think cultural influences inside and outside the church create obstacles for couples from enjoying the relationship God intends?  What are ways that the church can assist people recover a proper perspective on sex?

Resources for Further Growth

Reflect on What Others Have to Say
Underline and mark ideas you would like to discuss.

[Leaving] is a beautiful and complex calling.  We are no longer to lean on our families nor allow them to occupy the matrix of our marriage.  It doesn’t mean that our parents and our past are cutoff and thrown away; it simply calls each new couple to cocoon for a time to establish their own order and ethos.  Leaving requires a couple to build a boundary, to have at least a door with a lock.  And then it demands that each spouse learn to say no to invitations and demands of the outside world, especially one’s parents.
Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, The Intimate Mystery

Good talk leads to soul weaving.  The weaving together of two souls is the creation of a piece of art that is more costly and beautiful than any Rembrandt, Monet, or Chagall.  It is the most beautiful of all God’s creation; it is delicate and rare.
Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, The Intimate Mystery

The most crucial theological truth about sexuality is that God loves sex and evil hates it. God made us sexual, and he glories in his plan for our union and joy. Evil hates what God loves, and it has found that more harm can he done through sex than perhaps through any other means. Often the chief battleground for the human soul is the terrain of sexuality.  Consequently, sex is not one topic among many, nor is it the most important part of marriage: it is the summation of all that comes before and the furtherance of the process of leaving and cleaving.
Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, The Intimate Mystery

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