Husbands and Wives Participants Guide


Join the Conversation:

Record thoughts and questions here that come up as you watch the episode.  Explore them later with the group.
Listen to God’s Word: Ephesians 5:21-33



Discuss the Episode

1.Dan mentions that men and women are called to grow in both strength and tenderness despite the fact we often associate strength with men and tenderness with women.  Can you think of men or women who expressed both of these characteristics?  How did they express both traits in attractive ways?

2.Dan states that men are called to take initiative and responsibility for the world around them to bring order and beauty, yet often struggle with a refusal to engage and a lack of intentionality.  What do you think of this idea?  In what ways have you seen men struggle to do this?  

3.Dan mentions one of the biggest challenges women sometimes experience is failure to utilize their voice, becoming silent in the midst of conflict or to the other extreme, becoming cruel.  What do you think of this idea?  In what ways do women struggle with these extremes?

Resources for Further Growth

Reflect on What Others Have to Say
Underline and mark ideas you would like to discuss.

A man reflects a godly dimension that is different from what a woman reflects.  A Man is to mirror strength—a man plants.  A woman is to reflect tenderness—a woman nurtures… A man is to plant his stamp on ideas, objects, and institutions.  His creation is meant to propel the kingdom of God into new territory.  A woman is to incubate relationship.  She is to make connections.  A man takes chaos and forms it into a distinct, different, ordered idea, object, or institution; a woman takes his work and draws it into a context that honors the higher principle of love.  A man courageously creates, and a woman creatively shapes his creation into a lovely, relationally enhancing beauty.
Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, Intimate Allies
The person we love is inevitably a cross, as well as being a helper in the carrying of our own cross. Why must this be so? Simply because it is impossible to love anyone without seeing intimately into the tragedy of their lives. To love is not just to view someone as the most wonderful person in the world or as some kind of a saint. It is also to see all the weakness, the falseness and shoddiness, all the very worst in the loved one exposed – and then to be enabled, by the pure grace of God, not only to accept this person, but to accept in a deeper, more perfect way than was possible before… Before love can really begin to be love, it must face and forgive the very worst in the person loved.
Mike Mason, The Mystery of Marriage

Ultimately we must succumb to the mystery of gender by not defining it too closely and precisely.  We can, however, talk about certain traits as feminine and others that are masculine, but these traits are not and should not be considered mutually exclusive.  These traits reflect dimensions of the character of God.  
Dan Allender and Tremper Longman, Intimate Allies

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